Hey everyone. Well tomorrow I will be leaving for my home state Indiana for a long visit. About 2 weeks or so. So thats why I won't be on and stuff. Yep just a lil FYI.

And guess what. This morning I had to go to the doctor and it was really early in the morning and about the time all of you guys get to school. And when we turned away from the school Brandi passed by my car lol. It w kinda funny. Cause its like -sings- "its a small world after all..its a small world after all!" ok anyways lol. I will talk to you guys later. WOOP INDIANA. WOOP 2 WEEKS. And the best part is...my dad doesn't know MWAHAHA. I don't feel like being with him this time. Its my time for all my friends there and I don't want him taking me half the time. So he doesn't know. My dad is being such a jerk lately. So I just say "screw him" and ill have a good time. anyways ill stop rambling. bye

Everyone...I am touched that all of you guys are making me feel special. I will miss you all, so much I will prolly visit a lot lol. But anyways....I am gunna dedicate a song that I like to all you guys : ) althought only some lines will apply to you guys..still lol. Yay I've always wanted to do this.....

[link]

Ok 2

[link] (the reason I do this one is becauseI can play this on my acoustic guitar)

Hey everyone who doesn't already know. Im going to get homeschooled in a couple of weeks or less. This is half of my disicion and Imreally sorry. I do not want to leave you guys at all but there are some resons I don't really wanna explain why...

One is because I need to go to Indiana a lot and I can't miss that much school...blame my dadfor that.

Another is becasue of my health problems.. I have been getting really sick lately and stomach problems that I have to spend an entire class period in the bathroom trying not to throw up.

Another is I will be kind of working with my mom and it will get me some extra money. There is a family that I am close to (well the kids the parents are just being...ugh nevermine too long to explain) and they are low on money so I was going to help them with some money maybe.

And the other is the one I don't really want to explain for personal reasons.

I will miss all of you guys a lot...you guys are awsome and I will visit sometimes in school ok. So you won't see the last of me well there is the resons...sorry you guys I am upset but right now it is the best thing I should do right now.

~Jennar~

Well a few people wanted to know what my poems were really about. Well here you go…some explanations are better than others. I use like “I” and “they” just kinda to give you the idea…doesn’t necessarily mean I feel exactly this way. If you notice…yes I know most of the meanings are similar, but that’s kinda the point I use the same feelings and write different things. Kk…this took a long time and I hope you enjoy…

LULABY: Ok so this one is about someone loving someone else and they don’t know how they feel but the other person doesn’t know it. Even though their love is strong, they still know its impossible
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BELONG: About finding that special someone and they think about them a lot, and that person’s love keeps them from the terrible life that they have. (one of my not so depressing poems)

THE MEMORY: This is one where I’m not sure what I really meant but its about being ignored and everything you thought or wanted just blows away and no one cares (EMO’S WORLD!!!)

TWO: Every day something new is taken away from them that they love and its too the point where the only thing left is their dreams, even their love has been taken. And they don’t know what to do about it because they are afraid of how it will end up…could be good…could be bad.

BEHIND THE MASK: Well again I don’t really know what this is about, I made it while lying in bed and I was depressed and darkness was the way I was feeling so it is what comforted me and behind a mask is dark so I want to keep it on forever.

THE DEVIL'S WHISPERS: Every day is practically exactly the same and so is everyone. And my own pain and misery sings me songs of terrible things in my head. (that doesn’t make much sense either XD)

THE LADY IN BLACK: This one is not that hard, there was really this lady who stared at me and it haunted me inside so I wrote about it.

MY HEARTS ENEMY: oh..i don’t wanna explain this one…im just gunna say that I was thinking about my dad while I was writing this (I get depressed when think about it) plus one other thing that again im not gunna say.

MY VERY OWN SAVIOR: About feeling so alone and pained that you find comfort in the most little and insignificant things, the piece of paper symbolizes all the little things you hold onto that might keep you going in life. For me the paper is supposed to be writing (yay )

SOUL OF A FLLOWER: This is another one im not sure what I was thinking and I don’t really wanna explain more because it might take away from its effects and haunting feeling its supposed to give you. (Oh and try and read it with the song “Dance with the Devil by Breaking Benjamin” its kinda weird but its almost like it fits a little)

HAUNTING MY LOVE'S THOUGHTS: (oye I got a long one here) There is so much stress that it makes you cry tears of blood. Asking someone if they would regret always caring about what someone else thinks of you and tries to tell you what is wrong and what is right. And there is anger for those people who do that, and it is them that kills my heart. And I blame them for it and myself for not handling me (if that makes sense) Want to get revenge on the people who do that and even if its not me it still kills me inside because I feel bad for that person. I ask to forget all those people who tells you whats right and wrong. No matter how much I want someone to know how I still feel they will never hear it because I keep it inside and jus listen to my thoughts. No matter how much I want to let it all go and forget I can’t because its real and you can’t escape reality. (wow there was a lot for that one)

ANGEL'S ORCHARD: There was happiness in me for a little while where I cared about nothing but then a change in one thing made it all go away. And it still bothers me. The angels orchard represents my own mind and dreams. Where I can have anything I want and love anyway I want without worries. And I want to die there so that I can stay forever without worrying about anything ever again. I ask my love to join me there so that they can feel the same way. And everything is perfect there and I am finally happy. But then I wake up and find out it was all just a dream. (yes…I hate that when that happens)

CRYSTAL EYES: The CRYstal eyes thing was a good idea by Brandi and Kelsey, the CRY is abviously supposed to stand out. This whole thing is just in a nutshell…a dream…yeah…that’s it.

LADY IN BLACK RETURNS: Pretty much self explanatory, just a sequel to Lady in black. It is supposed to be that I kill her. MWAHAHHA im the demon slayer.

ok so thats all...tell me now when I write more if you want me to tell you what it is about when I post it or do you like that mystery in it? -nudge nudge- i like they mystery XD ok anyways hope you were not disappointed in any of this.

~yourHERO~

Im just gunna rant on a little right now because I am really mad right now and have been for a few days. I am getting tired of people messing up other people's lives. ITS NOT THEIR BUISINESS ANYWAYS!! STOP RUINING OUR LIVES JUST BECAUSE WE ARE NOT EXACTLY THE FREAKIN WAY YOU WANT US!!!! Why can't anyone be happy without SOMEONE comming in and ruining it...WHY DO YOU EVEN CARE ABOUT IT IF YOU HATE IT SO MUCH THEN LEAVE THEM ALONE ALONE GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR. (im using "us" and "I" and "them"just kinda as a basic people in general) Its not their life so why care just live your own and be done with it. AND all the people who say they have a such terrible life becaue their 200th boyfirend cheated on them...and cry and get so much freakin sympathy...YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT A HARD LIFE IS!! heck I don't even know what a hard life is. They all the stuff they want...they get to go to the beach every weekend...everyone in the school knows their name. I mean seriously sorry if i offend anyone but if you were at my school you know what I mean. I know people that have had way worse things happen to them and guess what...THEY KEPT THEIR TEARS IN!! Seriously I feel like crying everyday but I DON'T... I don't wanna live but do I yell that at the top of my lungs and cry about it so EVERYONE knows that im unhappy..its called GRIN AND BEAR IT PEOPLE. All of you who are reading this doesn't apply to you. But im just extremely mad for some reason. ARG JUST GET OUT OF MY LIFE AND STOP TRYING TO CHANGE ME AND LET ME BE HAPPY FOR ONCE!! I say that to whoever has gone through that. and how come the meanest and most rude people have the most friends but the nicest people are all alone....WHAT KIND OF MESSED UP WORLD IS THIS? And i swear I am sick and tired of people messing and talking bad about my firends im so freakin mad @ this person that did that JUST TODAY and as soon as I saw them I wanted to go and attack them until they cry...I might be small but if you mess with ANY of my friends I will become your worst nightmare! I don't care if you are this 6 foot tall person you DON'T EVER mess with them. And my heart goes out to all of those who have ever been ridiculed or anyhing because of who you are. And if you need me to come and beat them up I will lol jk but still if you need to talk just feel free as ever to talk to me. Now im kinda sounding like a hotline but you know what I mean. I just don't want anyone to feel bad or anything. The reason I just now say this is because I started thinking too much last night and got some extreme breakdown about a lot of different things and now im PO. Well m sister needs the computer. so I guess its a good time for me to stop. Ok I feel a little better now...